... prizes ...

santa leaves very interesting prizes in the stockings.
this year, a certain someone received a *ahem* survival kit of sorts.
here's what was found...

a veritable pantheon of useful tools for all occasions.....i think?

...matches

... in case someone needs to light a fire. like if they need to signal to someone where they are. or, oh yeah, if they want to keep warm....

...minimergency kit...

... kit FOR HIM - for all intents and purposes, all the tools needed to change a tire, save a child from a burning building, rescue kittens from a tree, perform CPR - you know the usual minimergencies. this kit's got it all ... but wait a minute. does that box really say what i think it says, 'ELEVEN GREAT-FIRST-IMPRESSION ESSENTIALS'. Oh, come on. What kind of kit is this?

... medic bag ...

... this bag is another all-in-one kit with the tools needed to sew severed limbs back on, retrieve marbles from nostrils, save a choker, and other medical events...

... a closer look in the medic bag reveals: a survival blanket, matches, a roll of duct tape, fishing kit, a compass the size of a dime, mini rescue flash mirror and corresponding instructions, slim rescue howler (aka really loud whistle), wicks (i'm guessing you start medically necessary fires with these wicks). and, yes, for those of you big on saving the planet via recycling and all that shit, it's a recycled bag made for recycling.

upon first glance, i couldn't believe i'd be able to fish for anything with the kit so i opened it...safety pins, mini hook, sewing needle, fishing line...look the hell out mr fish - big momma's coming to get you and she means business....

... minimergency kit ...

first off, when you remove the metal tin from the cardboard sleeve of the minimergency kit, the tin is in a plastic box. when i removed the tin from the plastic box, the 'scent' of mint came wafting up - kind of like a powerful blast of binaca. well, of course this is needed for that "great-first-impression"

a quick look inside, and it's a treasure chest full of must haves: Blistex, a deodorant towelette, a packet of Advil, a latex free bandaid, a hand sanitizing towelette, nail clippers, dental floss, a packet of stain remover, a mini sewing kit, Ice Drops (aka Binaca), and a shoe shine towelette. Santa's a life saver. Wait - there aren't any life savers in here. And, where are the condoms? Not even A condom. I guess it's a chivalrous kit.

... camp light ...

the last item was a Big Light Camp Lamp, with the lilting, perhaps inspiring (and let's face it, often prophetic words of Ralph Waldo Emerson) quote, 'Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.' Seriously? With a lamp not even the height of 2 double-D batteries stacked on top of each other, i'm sure i'll really be able to forge new territories. Pffffttt....let's see this light....

...WHOA! Would you follow me in the dark ... with my "Big" light?

Thanks, Santa. You know just what we need to help us get through anything....well almost anything.